Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Retraction, with a Bonus

I’ve been called out, and I feel the need to defend myself. A visitor to my blog – – has basically chastised me for abdicating my responsibility as a serious journalist (snort!) in misinforming you, the readers, with my statement that if you voted Democrat in the primaries, you cannot vote for a Republican in the general election. Note that I did not say you couldn’t vote for a Dem if you voted for a Republican in the primaries.

OK. Dude’s right. I didn’t say that outright, but it was heavily implied, and for that I sincerely apologize. What I meant to say was that if you voted for a Republican in the primary, and your candidate lost, you are barred from voting in any election again for the next four years. It’s some little-known bill that was put through Congress without much fanfare. The bright side is that you’re also ineligible for jury duty for the same period, so go ahead and ignore any notices you get from the court to show up.

Be advised that I could also be wrong about this, so you might want some independent verification. My political advisor, Joey, has been known to be almost right almost 92% of the time, so I’m pretty comfortable with it.

On a less serious note, if that is possible, after almost slaving away, almost 92% of my spare time over the last almost nine months, I have completed my third book: a novel, called Purity. If you hung out with me on Facebook, you’d know this. You’d probably be sick of hearing about it. But, if you don’t, you can still go to my aforementioned blog and read the draft of the first chapter, if you are so inclined.

Here’s the “blurb”:

Four young girls have gone missing in Arkansas in the last six months. A fifth is apparently killed in a car accident during her abduction, as is her kidnapper. When insurance adjuster, Jeff Davis, receives a simple assignment to determine if a construction crew working at the scene has any liability for the damages, he stumbles upon a, literally, “out of this world” religious sect’s scheme to save the missing girls from Armageddon. Possible involvement within the investigating sheriff’s department, and beyond, forces Davis to use the limited resources he has available to locate the hostages and return them to their families.

There’s more, involving the whacko religious cult’s belief that the apocalypse is going to be caused by an alien deity when he comes to … well, we don’t want to give too much away. They only allow you about a hundred words for the blurb.

Fair warning. The book is written by…me. That means it is ripe with irreverence and “Arkansas adjectives”. That’s what I like to call them. You may know them as “dirty words” I write what I hear, kid. So, if you are offended by such things, while I’d love to have you as a reader, it might be better if you selected some other manuscript for your perusal.

Presently, the thing is still in the self-editing stage, and I’ve found some wonderful volunteers to put themselves through the gruesome chore of reading it and providing input. Once that is done, we’ll begin the joyful process of looking for a publisher. If you want to have a noticeable impact on the future of the world, you should immediately write your favorite publishing company and ask them why in the world they aren’t calling me about this book.

Having committed this little act of shameless self-promotion, I am off now to warn my Republican neighbors about the unpublished changes in the polling locations for the November election. Seems like I have to do everything around here.

© 2010, Rick Baber


william colin said...

Rick - Colin Stanton here. Keeping up with your blog has got me back into this little world. Hope you have room for one more follower. Can't wait for the novel.

Rick Baber said...

Colin, ol' buddy, I am thrilled to have you here. Uh, yes. There's room. Facebook is killing blogworld. It's like a big empty bus around here. Drop in and say howdy any time. Bring friends. Bring enemies. Bring beer!

otisj said...

Hey Rick! Its been awhile. Been having computer problems. I love the first of the book. Can't wait to read the rest!

Anonymous said...

I LOVE it!!! It sounds as if you write from personal experience. Can't wait to read the whole book. Please keep us informed as to when we'll be able to do that!

elvisonacid said...

Finally! A place I can at least FIND dirty words. Facebook is killing my soul. If I have to read one more post praising god or asking for everyone's prayers for a cousin with a stumped toe, I swear I'm going to climb a tower with a sackfull of shit balloons and open up on them. The book sounds great. Will be looking forward to its release.

Rick Baber said...

Oh, lawd. I'm glad I didn't write that. So, now I'm gonna be the hang out for all the fans of dirty words? A legacy!

elvisonacid said...

The world needs a place for pottymouths too.

Anonymous said...

hey, where'd my fucking comment go?