Tuesday, April 27, 2010

The 4th Amendment Follies

It’s totally mindblowing (that’s an old 70’s phrase) that so many good Americans are paranoid that the government wants to control them completely, and yet, they support this recent “immigration law” in Arizona.

People are worried about Uncle Sam keeping up with their guns, asking nosey census questions, requiring them to have health insurance and wear seatbelts when they drive their cars. Here in Chickenopolis, where we’ll all be really healthy when we can barter with doctors for poultry, they’re making us inject microchips into our cats – in case there’s some kind of terrorist feline uprising, I guess.

Those are all terrible burdens to put upon white people, who just yearn to breathe free. Everybody knows the white man came to this land, with our slaves and our women, so we could round up all the red people and stick them in Casinoland, strap on our guns, and live the American dream of making boatloads of money so we could get out of paying taxes and get government bailout money. Freedom, man, freedom.

Lately, to protest these all-out assaults on our liberties by our democratically-elected government, some brave patriots - sponsored by a real American TV network - have hung teabags from their ears, painted up misspelled signs, and gathered in large, loud numbers to take our country back…from somebody.

In Arizona, at least, the effort appears to be paying off. For once, the government is picking on somebody besides the white man. They made being an illegal alien against Arizona law. Cops there are now required to stop anybody who looks like they might be an illegal and have them show proof that they’re not. Practically speaking, that means if you have dark skin, hair and eyes it’d be a good idea for you to have some papers on you. You know, like they did those skinny folks in 1940’s Germany.

Now, this isn’t too upsetting for most of us natural-born, blue-eyed citizens because, let’s face it, they’re Mexicans. They’re not entitled to the freedom from government that our ancestors fought the British and the Indians to win for us. If they want that, they can go back to Mexico – if they can get back over the fence. If the legal ones don’t like getting pulled over every time they drive their perfectly detailed cars down Main Street – well, that’s their own fault for not looking like Ken and Barbie.

Surely, once the Arizona government gets away with this, some other state – maybe Utah – won’t decide to do the same thing with Baptists. Here in the south, maybe the doors will be opened up to finally get those black folk back out of our schools….and our states. Sure, they’re legal citizens, most of them, but some could have sneaked in here from Africa or Haiti. Mexico, you know, isn’t the only place people slip in here from. How are we gonna spot those Canadians?

And why stop at nationality or religion? How ‘bout political preference? Blue states can harass out all the right wingers, and vice versa. Maybe Texas can become a whole ‘nother country, just like they’ve always wanted. Gee, it’ll be great!

More later. Now, I have to catch my tomcat and get him in that box so I can take him for his microchip injection – or pay the $150 fine. Funny. He was born in Arkansas. I guess the following language doesn’t apply to cats:

The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no Warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by Oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized.

(c)2010 Rick Baber

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