Monday, May 14, 2012

The Bottom Line on Gay Rights

Here it comes – the end of the world.

The President of the United States has come out of the closet and admitted that he is gay. His marriage to the lovely Michelle was a sham. Now, before we can blink an eye, he’ll be issuing a presidential decree that all of us who are married to people of the opposite sex will have to get divorced and marry somebody who uses the same restroom in gas stations. Practical, in a way, if you think about it. Maybe we should demand to see his marriage certificate.
I blame Abraham Lincoln. If he had not come up with that silly Emancipation Proclamation back in 1863, we’d still be a happy nation of white men voting – just like God and Rick Santorum intended. Our women folk would be home in the kitchen, doing the things that women folk should do. Ironing, and stuff. Our “domestic help” would simply do as they’re told…or else. And there would be no radical black man in the White House, coming up with these crazy ideas like giving equal rights to dudes who don’t dig chicks; or chicks who do.
History will judge Obama harshly, just as it did with Lincoln.
It was only a scant seven years or so after that bearded radical pulled his little stunt that black men were lining up to vote, all over the country. Of course, Jim Crow took care of that problem for a long time until LBJ went crazy in 1964. And, in the meantime, 1920, even women got the right to vote. Women! You know it had to go badly after that!
Now, sure there were plenty of right-minded people back then speaking out against these horrific changes in America but, like today, their voices were quashed by the radicals on the left. Those are the people we need to look to now, in this desperate hour, to find strength; and a way to stop this terrible event before it’s too late.
Look at it this way: we’ve been more than leanient with who we allow to get married. Serial killers and rapists and molesters of children can get married. Meth cookers and dope smugglers and speeders and people who park their shopping carts in parking spaces can get married – as long as it’s to the opposite gender. They can enjoy the tax benefits and insurance benefits and all the other benefits of a legal union between two consenting adults. Are we asking so much?
The bottom line (if you’ll pardon the pun) is this: It’s going to happen sooner or later. But do we want our childrens’ children to look back at us and see us as the generation that lost the battle to deny equal rights under the law to one of the last oppressed factions of our civilization? To see us as losers?
Then again, given the nature of how this procreation thing works, and that we’ll all, by law, have to be paired with people of the same gender, it is entirely likely that there won’t be any more generations to look back upon us with scorn and disdain.
I just hope my dude doesn’t snore.

© 2012, Rick Baber