Not many people know this, but I’m actually in the process of working on my 17th million dollars. The first 16 attempts were such abysmal failures that I gave up on them. But, this one…this is a sure thing! Here it is: “Fly Nekkid Airlines.”
Whattaya think? Here’s the copy for the TV ad.
Uncover the beauty of Fly Nekkid Airlines.
At FNA we’ll take the hassle out of air travel. No more invasive, embarrassing X-Rays or being groped by strangers who won’t even buy you a drink first. Strip off! Liberate yourself! And leave the flying to us.
Tired of “Sky Mall”? They won’t let you turn on your cell phone? Bored beyond belief as you sit for hours on the tarmac, waiting only to get your bird in the air? Think of the hours of entertainment you could provide yourself, simply by checking out the “carry on baggage” of the other passengers. Your bird could be in the air before you know it!
Remember the man who recently was arrested for getting a little too “excited” while being frisked by airport security? Well, at Fly Nekkid Airlines, there’ll be none of that. On those cold days at the airport, there’s no penalty for early withdrawal, and never any extra charge for happy endings! We aim to please.
How about standing in those security lines, trying to hold all your luggage, a camera bag, a laptop, cellphone and two $3 bottles of airport water while you attempt to remove those rubber boots you had to buy in New York after the unexpected snowstorm? You simply can’t do it without falling down! Look! Everyone’s laughing! But not here, at FNA. You’ll glide past those angry, garmented travelers with a smile on your face and your boarding ticket in your hand! No dangerous X-Rays. No getting only one shoe back after knowing you put both of them into that plastic tub. Those shoes are packed safely and securely in your luggage, which will arrive, on-time, at your destination – just like your luggage always does with the other airlines.
At FNA, we won’t treat the captain and crew any differently than the passengers. The only exception being that the captain will be allowed to wear a hat, so he’ll have a place to pin the golden FNA wings – to identify him as your pilot.
As an added bonus, Fly Nekkid will have its own rental car service at all the most popular destinations. Your car will be equipped with seat warmers and a special “N” front license plate – indicating to law enforcement that the driver of the car will be in-the-buff, in the event you’re pulled over for some traffic violation.
It’s a long trip. Why put yourself through the ordeal of driving? Twist that little knob – the one above your head. Turn the heat up as high as it will go, close your eyes, and pretend you’re in a sauna for the next three hours. We’ll get you there in style!
At FNA, your comfort and safety are our primary concern! Come fly our really, really, really friendly skies!
Investor inquiries welcome.
(Not responsible for colds, sunburn, rash, transmission of communicable disease or parasites, scuffing, chafing, scraping, scratching, itching, goosebumps or divorce. Fly Nekkid is not for everyone. Ask your doctor if flying nude is safe for you, and call your doctor immediately upon landing if your flight lasts more than four hours. In-flight blankets and pillows provided, as supplies last, for $100 each. No seat changes after boarding pass issued. No riding on another passenger’s lap. Please eat responsibly before boarding. Excessively spicy foods or beans of any form are discouraged. Your credit card will be billed for required seat cleaning.)
© 2010, Rick Baber