Friday, June 28, 2013

Meet the Flintstones, Part Deaux


    “Jesus wept,” came the dramatic response from the right reverend Mike Huckabee: swiftly, decisively…almost as if it had been rehearsed. Or pre-written.  Or pre-ordained.
    Surely, something horrible had happened in the world.What was it?  Another slaughtering of innocent school children?  Genocide in Rwanda?  Could it have been that Huckabee finally realized that there are almost 50 million Americans living in poverty?  Kids going to bed hungry every night…people choosing between food and healthcare?  Did the prayers of half a million homeless people reach him in a dream? Did somebody slip him the information that there are 218,171 people in prison in the U.S., with 47.1% of those being for “drug offenses”?  Maybe it hit him that the divorce rate in America (because, let’s face it, Jesus, being the blue-eyed, fair-haired Anglo-Saxon we’ve all seen actual photographs of, cares only about what happens in the US of A) is at 50 percent.  That’s half of all the blessed unions between one man and one woman – right down the old porcelain throne.  Surely, some of those things might cause Jesus to be a little sad.  Maybe shed a tear or two…
    Seems not.  Here’s the Huckster’s entire quote: “My thought on the SCOTUS ruling that determined that same sex marriage is okay: ‘Jesus wept.’”
    So, according to Huck, the Prince of Peace; the Lamb of God; that blue-eyed, fair-haired prophet who said “Do unto others whatever you would like them to do to you,” is sobbing now because my nephew is one step closer to being able share the same rights under the law as I have.  What a travesty.  What a horrible thing to happen.
    What’s next? Black folk and women being allowed to vote?
    Can somebody ‘splain to me in simple terms (because I am a simple man) exactly why there are so many heterosexuals so remarkably outraged about this?  How does it affect those of us who have a more “traditional” marriage?  Because, truthfully, I don’t see how it has any bearing on me – not in the least.  Now, it would be easy to understand the outrage if I had been born more partial to boys; lived my whole life pretending I liked girls; married one, just to be accepted as “normal.”  I might then feel some jealousy for being cheated out of the life I wanted – the life that others of the same persuasion will soon get to have.  But, again, speaking for myself, I’ve always been completely comfortable with the boy/girl thing.  So…no outrage.
    Some might cite the tax and insurance implications as a problem.  But, “Jesus?” Really?  If He is going to weep, does anybody really think it’s going to be over some same-sex couples in the United States of America getting the same tax benefits and insurance coverage as the rest of us?  Do we really want to take the stroll down the very long list of things this country does with its money, just to see how many of those things might give him better reason to cry?  No. I didn’t think so.
    Now, for mocking Governor Huckabee for his frivolous tweet (Doesn’t that sound like an insult? “You frivolous tweet!”), I have been accused by some of mocking Jesus.  Anybody who knows me knows I’m not easily offended – but I find that accusation repulsive.  For that to be true, Huckabee would have to actually be speaking FOR Jesus.- and I don’t think that’s the case.  So…
    Thanks for the two words, Mike.  I’ve got two words for you, but, unfortunately, they would only let me print one of them here.