Saturday, May 12, 2007


May 12, 2007

Ancient Writings

Quran (9:11)

For it is written that a son of Arabia would awaken a fearsome Eagle. The wrath of the Eagle would be felt throughout the lands of Allah and lo, while some of the people trembled in despair still more rejoiced; for the wrath of the Eagle cleansed the lands of Allah; and there was peace.

Chilling, no? It came to me by Internet. So you know it’s got to be true.

Even more compelling than that deal where you fold up a $20 bill and see the World Trade Center burning. Even more than the story of the off-duty Marine who shot the Muslim at the gas pump on 9/11, before the authorities discovered that the trunk of the Muslim’s car was filled with explosives.

Right there, by their own “good book”, written 1375 years ago, you can tell that we’re doing those people over there a favor – finally bringing them peace after thousands of years of conflict. So, the fact that we invaded the wrong country, for concocted reasons, suddenly seems insignificant in light of the grand plan; the scheme of things; the big picture. In other words, “Shut up with your griping about this war. We (the eagle) have a destiny to fulfill.”

OK. One small problem. That isn’t what verse 9:11 of the Quran says. Not even close. Here’s the commonly accepted translation.

Quran (9:11)

But if they repent and keep up prayer and pay the poor-rate, they are your brethren in faith; and we make communications clear for a people who know.

You can’t blame some clever guy for trying. The truth is that there were many writings left out of our (Christian’s) own Holy Book, when The Council of Nicaea put it together in 325 AD. Think about it. They didn’t have photocopiers or computers back then. The whole thing had to be written and copied by hand. These guys selected, from all of the available writings of the day, those “books” that they deemed acceptable and appropriate for inclusion. The rest were simply left out. Matter of fact, even more ancient writings are being discovered still today, even in what is now called The United States.

One of the more recently discovered writings, found buried in a clay pot in a cave during some excavation for the first nuclear power plant near Richland, Washington in 1954 has been named “Seifer fun Fokus”. Although the cloth had deteriorated to the point that only about 1/10 of the script was legible. Here’s the part they have been able to translate to date:

In the land of the south wind in the valley of the white water a scribe named for the Tiger labored to bring truth and light unto the people even as many doubted his wisdom and intent. And it came to pass that those who were believers outnumbered those who were non-believers and rose up and banished the non-believers from the city. On the 7th day of the 7th full moon of the 21st century the believers gathered all their worldly goods and sold them to the sinners in the port city by the white water to the east. And they sought out the scribe by the high view on the new space and each set aside 1/7 of his bounty and sent it by courier to the scribe in the west. And the scribe was made joyous and able to purchase feed for the horses that powered his chariot. And there was peace & harmony in the valley by the white water and all the inhabitants prospered ten-fold, and power finally came from the waterfall and lighted their houses and every person had fish to eat.

I don’t pretend to know what it means, but it captured my attention because my last name, in India, literally means “The Tiger”, and “Arkansas” means “south wind”. As for the rest of it…… got me. But if you suddenly have some overwhelming urge to send me…something…I’d be glad to provide my mailing address.

Meantime, I have to go buy some of that $3.20 gasoline and go to my sister’s house for dinner.

© 2007 Rick Baber


Anonymous said...

Crackin' me up over here Baber. That one took a while. Then I rested and read it again. Brilliant. Where do I send my check?

Anonymous said...

I have to say I didn't know there was anything to "get" until I read lefty's comments and went back and read the column again. Not to say that we're smarter than your average newspaper column reader - but I really do think most of them will never figure out what you're saying - that people are so gullible they'll believe anything. Do you think anybody in newspaper land will decipher the riddles in the text of the new scripture? Do you even care?

Rick Baber said...

Lefty & OJ. As always, thanks for reading.
I don't know who'll "get it" and who won't, but don't completely count out my readers at The Batesville Guard. There's a lot of very sharp people in that town - and even some stuff in the "scripture" that only people from Batesville will understand.
No, I don't think everybody will understand, but, to answer yours OJ, sometimes that's even better. I'm just gonna hang out here and wait for Anon to turn it into another reason to trash my art prints....(8

Anonymous said...

why dont you just quit writing this stupid crap and get a real job?

Rick Baber said...

Dad? Is that you?
When did you learn to blog?

Anonymous said...

Yeah! Get a real job like anonymous. He manually masterbates caged animals for artificial insemination. You gotta do something you're passionate know?

Rick Baber said...

That's no way to talk about your grandpa!