For the Birds, Part Two

You know, some of this stuff, I actually don’t make up. When I saw this one on Mr. Gore’s internet, like most others I’m sure, I thought it was a gag; a ruse; a Saturday Night Live skit…but it wasn’t.

There’s an organization called “People for the American Way” (PAW) who put up a little video on YouTube of a nice lady named Cindy Jacobs making the case that the Blackbird and Drumfish deaths in Arkansas (for which I have coined the term “Avianocalypse,” but may need to revise to “Avianfishocalypse.”) may be God, showing his dissatisfaction regarding the repeal of “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell.”

As everybody knows, God has always been interested in American politics, and, apparently, not a big fan of red people.

You may ask yourself “What do dead birds and fish have to do with gays openly serving in the military?” And you may say to yourself, “This is not my beautiful fish. And this is not my beautiful blackbird!” And, you may ask yourself, “My God! What have you done?”

All you have to do is view the clip, entitled, “Jacobs: Birds Dying Because of DADT Repeal.” This lady makes such a convincing case that you’ll kick yourself for not figuring it all out sooner.

For example: The birds first fell in a town called Beebe. The governor of Arkansas is named Beebe! Also, “there was something put out of Arkansas…Don’t Ask Don’t Tell…by a former governor, Bill Clinton! And, so, could there be a connection?”
See there? Sends a chill right down your spine, doesn’t it? I mean, it’s like the Kennedy/Lincoln similarity thing! Much better than my UFO theory. I can’t make the connection between UFOs and Arkansas. Then again, I can make a connection, within six degrees, between Kevin Bacon and Arkansas! So, could Kevin Bacon be a murderer of helpless birds and fish? You decide.

Meantime, to expound on this biblical brilliance, let’s just offer up a few more points. Bill Clinton, the first black president, came up with the DADT policy. Bill Clinton was from Arkansas. Barack Obama, the second black president, is the one who repealed it. It was BLACKbirds that rained down on the town of Beebe! Not redbirds. Not bluebirds. Not yellow-bellied sapsuckers. Mike Beebe, the current governor of Arkansas, sits in (probably) the same chair that Bill Clinton sat in (sometimes) when he was governor!

The state in which Bill Clinton was governor, was part of the United States of America, and has a town called Lincoln. Abe Lincoln was also President of the United States and is known for the Emancipation Proclamation, in which he freed the slaves. The slaves, were predominately (you guessed it!) BLACK! Abe Lincoln was from Illinois, where there is a town named Clinton (zip 61313). You add those numbers together and you get 14, a one and a four. Even if you take 61 minus 31 minus 3, you get 27. Two times seven is 14! The phrase “No gays in the military” actually starts with the 14th letter of the alphabet! The video is 2:11 long. That’s 131 seconds. Thirteen plus one is 14.

Now, get this. Ms. Jacobs, in this very same video, refers to the Book of Romans (chapter 1) as the authority by which homosexuality is condemned. What verse? Yep. 27. Two times seven is 14! The number of spaces in “Book of Romans,” including spaces between letters, is 14.

Remember back (up there) when Ms. Jacobs described Bill Clinton as a “former governor”? Count the letters in that!

So, naturally, this being a biblical thing, I looked up the significance of the number 14. Here goes: Jacob worked fourteen years for his uncle Laban in order to be able to marry his daughter Rachel. The first period of seven years he allowed him to take Leah for woman, the older sister of Rachel, and after the second period of seven years, he could finally marry Rachel. And Jacob had of Rachel fourteen sons and grandsons.

I note, Jacob didn’t marry a man. But there’s no mention of blackbirds. So I decided to start with Kevin Bacon, and go the other direction. Too easy. In “Animal House” he played the role of Chip Diller, an Omega pledge who was trampled by the panicking crowd at the end of the movie. In the follow-up, “Where Are They Now” he became a born-again Christian missionary in Africa. Kenya, where Barack Obama was born, is in Africa. Barack Obama repealed Don’t Ask Don’t Tell.

I could go on and on, but what more proof do you need?