Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Tell you 'bout Machine Gun Kelly

What I’m going to do now is let you in on what is
apparently one of the most well-guarded secrets in
American politics. Ready?

Democrats don’t want to take your guns away.

Somehow, bolstered by people with right wing agendas,
the myth that Dems, if left to their own devices, will
one day kick down your doors and confiscate all of your
huntin’ rifles, has been allowed to run wild. And, in
typical Democrat fashion, nobody has just stepped up
and made the announcement that this just ain’t going to happen. It seems that the powers that be in the Democratic Party hear craziness like this, sometimes early on, but, assuming that the masses have better sense than to fall for it, they just let it go. That’s foolish – assuming the masses have better sense, I mean.

Well, what kind of position does one have to hold in the Democratic Party to officially deny this one? I mean, will I do? You can tell I’m a real Democrat, because I refer to the Democratic Party, and not the “Democrat Party”. I’ve got “O, yes we did” stickers on my cars. I created them myself. Got a long history of malicious verbal & written attacks on the loyal opposition. Have generated countless letters to the editors, and even more emails & blog rebuttals, scolding me for my tacky, often-unwarranted badmouthing of those who espouse typically rightwing views. A yeller dawg, if you will, with an indisputable resume written on re-cycled paper. And I’ve got a bunch of guns in there in my closet, and a small cannon on the headboard of my bed. What’s more, I have lots of friends (though not many where I live, here in Republicanland) who vote for Democrats and have even more firearms than I do. Nobody I know straps them on and wears them to go to the mall or take the kids to play in the park.

Nobody’s going to kick our doors down and take our guns. The difference between us and those self-proclaimed 2nd Amendment advocates who are carrying firearms to town hall meetings on healthcare is that we’re not falling for the load of crap being put forth by people who simply want to disrupt these meetings and distract from the otherwise civil dialogue that should be taking place there. One of the differences, anyway.

Let me say that I honestly believe most of these people believe their second amendment rights are being threatened. They’ve been told this by more devious people with hypnotic powers and broader political agendas, who know that these gullible ones will act up, and by doing so further spread the word. The myth. And, it’s always cool to get on TV. But, if you’ll notice, you never see Sean Hannity, Bill O’Reilly, Rush Limbaugh, Glenn

Beck, or the cast of Fox News packing heat at any of the events they attend. They leave that little task to their minions.

The argument that one brings a gun to an event such as this simply because they have the right to do so doesn’t really wash.. OK. You have the right. Nobody has said anything to the contrary, especially here, where the topic is healthcare. But why do it?

What do you suppose would happen to a “First Amendment advocate” who showed up at some GOP-sponsored town hall concerning, say, prayer in school, who stood up during the discussion and started shouting all of those words George Carlin made famous for not being mentionable on TV? Over & over. Just kept on shouting. Is that freedom of speech? Does that guy, however idiotic, have a constitutional right to do that? Well, probably so. But that wouldn’t keep him from being tasered, bro, and dragged out of there by his ears. Probably arrested. Convicted, for whatever charges they could make stick. Or, maybe, even shot by that guy with the 9 strapped on his hip. Would it?

It is not “patriotic” to cause additional work and concern for law enforcement officials who are there to perform their already-difficult jobs. Why do they hate cops? Just a suggestion, but maybe instead of a sub-machine gun, these patriots could carry a little flag.

Well, of course, they’re not going to pay attention to any suggestion made by me, because carrying a flag would be contrary to their true purpose. And that wouldn’t’ get them on TV. But, these gun-toters should know that, as more & more of them show up at these events, they’re going to become less newsworthy, and eventually rendered insignificant. The only way to be sure to make the news is to, somehow, stand out in that crowd. Try this. Ignore those red and green laser dots you see occasionally appearing on your chest. Reach down there, un-strap that bad boy and pull it out of the holster. If you find yourself still breathing, shoot it up in the air like the real cowboys did in Dodge City.

Now you’re on the news!

© 2009, Rick Baber


Anonymous said...

OH rick! you can't compare the use of dirty words (how horrible!) to simply carrying a firearm to a public event. Think of all the harm dirty words can do to tender ears.

Clyde Barrow said...

I knew Machinegun Kelly. Machinegun Kelly was a friend of mine. You sir are no Machinegun Kelly. It sounds to me like you are advocating violence by encouraging bearers of legal firearms to discharge them at public events. Isn't that contrary to the liberal perspective?

otisj said...

From what I understand I have the right to pile up all my money - what little I have - and burn it. And yet I have never done that. I wonder why.